Providence { Providence Trilogy, Part III }

Heero’d been riding his motorcycle nonstop all day and night. Despite his near-exhausted state, he had a mission, his final objective: a beautiful face that haunted him his entire journey, calling to him, keeping him awake and striving for home. He couldn’t stop, he had to keep going. Duo was calling to him. He could almost hear the braided boy’s hypnotic voice over the steady hum of the bike.



Duo awoke finally, casting a sleepy glance at his placid companion. Wufei amazed him to no extent, he’d been driving for so long, not even stopping for a nap. Duo’d offered to take over the wheel, but the Chinese boy was relentless in the pursuit of his friend’s wayward lover. Duo couldn’t even begin to express his gratitude, wishing there was something he could do to repay his closest friend. He smiled timidly at Wufei, reflecting on this impulsive trip. So much was at stake, and Wufei...the Chinese had revealed another, gentler, facet of himself, one that was capable of so much caring and warmth. That had surprised Duo. He’d been surprised at the fact that Wufei had come at all.

And what could have been... "Wufei?" He whispered softly, turning to face his companion.

Wufei glanced over at Duo, trying hard to keep the pain from surfacing. "What's up?"

Duo opened his mouth, but no sound emerged. He wanted to tell Wufei to stop, turn around, anything, anything at all. But the expression, or lack thereof, in his large onyx eyes stopped the braided boy from continuing. We’ll never know. "Ah, nothing Wu-man. How’re ya holding up?"

it’s a narrow margin
just room enough for regret
in the inch and a half between
hey how ya been? and can I kiss you yet?

Wufei blinked slowly, turning his gaze back to the road ahead. He could see the streetlight, the mark of a small town, and raised a hand to brush the hair from his eyes. "I’m gonna stop up here, Duo. I need to get some sleep." He wondered what Duo had been trying to say. He could sense that he was holding something back. It’s all right. I won’t push it

"Sounds good," came a tired reply, "you must be really tired."

Then he was silent once more, lost in his thoughts, feeling more alone than he’d ever felt before in his life. He could only pray that Heero indeed awaited him, as Wufei had promised.

It’s almost over, Wufei agonized, feeling his heart fold in on itself. Even now, he prayed for something to happen, for even the courage to say something, but he knew he couldn’t. He was no coward, but he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the friendly relationship he had with Duo. He loves Heero. I should be happy. I am happy for him.

so we talk like nervous neighbors
over a tall fence
true love-
but for the lack of providence

The town could hardly be called so, consisting of little more than a bar and a few houses spread out, surrounding the building like sentinels. Fortunately, the bar was also a hotel, and he would have to go no farther tonight. With a sigh, he pulled into the small parking lot, empty except for an ancient rusted Ford pickup truck. It was well past 3 a.m., and he felt exhausted beyond belief.

Duo’s enthusiasm was evident as he squinted up at the blinking neon sign. He was glad to remove himself from the confines of the car, and was out even before Wufei had turned off the engine. "Coming, Wu-man?" His mask was in place once more, Wufei realized. He dimly wondered if he would ever see the real Duo again. Don’t think about it. Together, the motley pair entered the bar.

I guess now we could just get drunk
yeah, and that could be our excuse
you could slip and out of nowhere
I could be there to catch your fall



Heero was so tired he could barely see straight. As much as he wanted to keep going, he knew he’d have to stop soon and get some rest. The steady hum of the motorcycle was lulling him deeper into a state of oblivion. I’ll never see Duo again if I crash this thing. Luckily, he could see a light in the distance, and gunned the throttle, speeding towards that single brilliant light. Closer inspection revealed a tiny bar, surrounded by old houses. It looked almost empty, only two vehicles were out in front. He parked the motorcycle beside a car, and tiredly stumbled into the building.

He was not prepared for what he was to find.



Duo sat across the table from Wufei, nursing his drink and nodding to the music of the old jukebox in the corner. This was not the French Riviera, as far as bars went, but the beer was cold and the barkeep friendly. Head resting on his arms, Wufei slumped on the table, a cup of hot tea clasped in his hand. Unlike Duo, he didn’t share his American friend’s affinity for alcohol, and wished for nothing more than sleep. He’d acquired the keys to a two-bed room, and had only stayed in the smoky bar below at Duo’s request. He closed his eyes, listening to the slow beat of the music, letting it lull him into a dreamy state of unfeelingness, though he was acutely aware of the braided angel across from him. He was ever amazed at the boundless energy Duo possessed.

and we could laugh at ourselves
and at the writing that’s on the wall

"Oh, my god," Duo suddenly whispered, looking up at the new patron. The japanese boy’s hair was disheveled beyond repair, his face was all too familiar. "Heero."

Wufei sat up suddenly, the hot liquid sloshing over the rim of the cracked cup he held, burning his fingers. He jerked his hand away, glancing up at Duo quizzically. But Duo’s gaze was focused unwaveringly at the door, amaryllis eyes misting over at the sight of his lover. Heero had come, had somehow found him here of all places. Why wasn’t he with Relena?

who’d have known
at this party that I
would walk in and I'd see you?

Wufei finally turned his head, following Duo’s gaze to where Heero stood tiredly, cobalt eyes locked on their table. Duo didn’t move, just stared straight at the other boy, unable to even breathe. The moment lasted for what seemed an eternity, and it wasn’t until Heero moved towards them that Wufei released the breath he didn’t realize he’d held back. It seemed to unreal, and he wondered if he was locked in a dream. But it wasn’t a dream, it was real, too real.

"Duo." Heero’s voice was filled with a myriad emotions, and what couldn’t be heard could clearly be seen in those cobalt eyes. He’d found Duo here, in this bar, so far away from home...with Wufei. He wondered where the Chinese boy came into all of this, but made no motion towards the thought.

Duo, finally broken from his trance, was up in an instant, slender arms thrown around Heero’s neck. "Heero I missed you so much." he whispered, closing his eyes, burying his face in Heero’s shaggy mane. Everything would be alright, now, Heero was here, and it would all be okay. "We came for you, Heero."

Wufei, temporarily forgotten in the reunion, stood up silently, facing Heero. The Japanese boy held the excited American tightly, whispering inaudibly to his lover, though deep cobalt riveted itself on the silent Wufei. He made no sound, but the Chinese boy could tell everything. Indeed, this act of fate proved how much Duo and Heero were perfect together. And something inside of him died, even as he smiled softly in Duo’s glee. He was happy once again.

"Don’t ever hurt him again, Heero." The words, though mouthed silently to the Japanese, carried the weight of his plea stronger than anything else. And Heero understood, that much was proved in the way he embraced Duo tighter, an infinitely gentle expression crossing his usually stoic features. Wufei bowed his head, turning back to the cup of tea awaiting him on the table. He didn’t see Heero’s reply.

"Never again."

but I got just one more thing to tell you
cuz words are like vitamins and life is short
and I know when we get up to the front office
we’re gonna have to fill out a full report

The reunited couple finally broke their embrace, returning to the table where Wufei sat alone. "I guess we don’t have to go any further, do we, Wufei?" Duo was absolutely glowing, giving the Chinese at least a little peace of mind. He’s happy.

"True, Duo. Our journey ends here, I suppose." There was reluctance in the phrase, felt by both the speaker and its recipient. Heero could sense some kind of bond between the two, something he would never be a part of, but said nothing. They all sat there, and silence descended on the trio, claiming the thoughts and hearts of each. So much to say, but now was not the time. Duo was surprised by how much he wanted to keep going, to never stop. But Heero was here, and there was no time to voice these things he felt. No time, no way... "Be right back. I gotta hit the john." That was the only way he could think of to escape these things, to think this over.

Wufei looked up, watching Duo disappear into the bathroom. He could feel Heero’s penetrating cobalt gaze resting upon him, finally turning to face his friend’s wayward lover. "You love him, don’t you?" Heero’s voice was soft, not at all angry or disgusted. Wufei looked up sharply, onyx eyes widening slightly at the frank question. What could he say?

"Duo loves you, Heero. What I feel, or do not feel, has nothing to do with it. Don’t betray him." That was as close to a confession as he could muster, in the face of such blatant scrutiny. Better to retain as much dignity as possible...he’d walked into this mess, it was up to him to dance out, forever bearing the scars of what could never be. Would it always hurt like this?

"I understand, Wufei. Thank you." How strange to hear those words from Heero Yuy, the perfect soldier, the one who held the heart of the braided angel he’d so loved. But Heero did indeed understand, better than he could voice. The agony of losing something so dear, putting aside such strong emotion to appease the heart of another; that was true love, and Heero feared that he would come up short in comparison. But he’d try, by the Gods, he’d try to be everything that Duo, his Duo, deserved.

the first question will be what were you thinking?
and the next question will be what did you say?
and then they’re gonna check to see
if the answers to one and two
matched up much along the way

"Please, take good care of him, Heero." Then the Chinese stood, tossing a key to Heero. "Room 22." And that was all. With a brief nod, the raven-haired pilot turned and left the bar, stopping only to pay the tab. He had to leave now, before it all came undone. His work had been done, Duo was happy, reunited with the one he loved. There was no more place for Wufei there. It was done. Final. No chance of returning.

Heero nodded to the retreating Chinese, raising a hand in farewell. He was indeed grateful to Wufei, more than he could voice. In his place, would I have done the same?

He didn’t think so.

Wufei stepped out into the early morning, noticing a faint pink tinge across the horizon, staining the snow-capped mountains. He’d lost all sense of exhaustion, lost all feeling whatsoever. Comfortably numb. And that was where he wanted to be at that moment, given a rest from the sickening heartache that had crushed him for days; that would continue to haunt him, endlessly. Was this what it was like to be in love?

in the interest of poetry
and the cowboy movie
that’s you and me
I'm back on the horse, now
and I am riding;
I am striding so effortlessly

Duo returned to the table, looking around for his companion. "Where’s Wufei?" Duo asked, turning his brilliant violet eyes on Heero, "did he go to bed already?" Heero folded his hands, leaning heavily on the table.

"He’s gone."

"What?" Duo’s voice was full of disbelief. "He just walked out?" Heero nodded solemnly.

Duo sighed, turning towards the door quickly. "Be right back, Heero." With that, he ran to the door, chasing his closest friend in the world. Heero...he loved Heero, but it was Wufei who truly understood him, perhaps better than anyone. And he was just leaving? Like that? Duo shouldered his way out the door, praying that he wasn’t already gone.

"Wufei!"

The accused looked up, halfway-sitting down in the driver’s seat. He was surprised to see Duo there, that much was written in his eyes. "Duo?" The old ache returned, obviously fate had dismissed the possibility of respite from those haunting feelings. The Solitary Dragon observed the God of Death with a horrific mixture of pain and love, praying for solace from those luminous amaryllis eyes. Why can’t I let him go?

Incredulity was clearly marked in the braided boy’s expression. "So you weren’t even gonna say goodbye?" He seemed to Wufei to be almost hurt by the seeming unfeelingness displayed by his actions. Had he hurt him? Certainly, that was not, nor was ever, his intention.

He flushed with shame, looking away towards the horizon. "I’m sorry." He truly meant it, wishing that the braided angel would understand. No, he didn’t want him to understand, for that would mean that his true feelings would be compromised. Another ache to bear, another wound to sear his soul.

Duo observed the emotions crossing the Chinese boy’s face. There should be no hiding from each other; they were too close for that. Or at least that was what Duo had grown to believe. Was he wrong? He was as confused as the other, though neither could explain it. Or was Wufei indeed hiding something from him? He wanted to know so badly, but couldn’t find the strength to give voice to his questions. What’s happened?

Wufei watched as Duo descended the stairs, the intense agony growing inside of him. Why can’t I get over this? Why does it have to hurt so fucking much? Gods. Duo moved with such aching eloquence, coming closer to his companion, jigsaw-puzzle thoughts scattering about his mind, yearning to be fit together, to give the boy an answer. He stopped a few feet in front of Wufei, still searching for that answer. The Chinese boy looked like a god, standing, staring at Duo with the same confused expression across his elegant face. And finally he understood. But I love Heero. I can’t say anything. It wouldn’t be right. But-

"Wufei...I--"

"Yes?" There was a faint glimmer of hope in his luminous onyx eyes. Did he understand what was unspoken?

Unable to do anything else, Duo hugged Wufei tightly, the gesture speaking camaraderie. "I’ll miss ya, Wufei." he smiled sadly, lost for words, lost to himself. Wufei returned his friend’s embrace, almost shaking with unspeakable pain. This was it. After this, what was there? "Promise you’ll come and visit, okay?" There was no way he could refuse even this small request, as much as it would sting in the future.

Wufei smiled gently, feeling the ache of unshed tears, taking a deep breath. "He’s waiting for you, Duo."

what I mean is it’s late
much too late for us,
and I'm fixing to go home
with just my conscience
and my bitter sense
of irony as my chaperone

"Yeah," Duo admitted, letting go of his friend for the last time. "I guess I’d better go. Bye, man." But there was so much left unspoken as Duo turned back to the bar, wistful grace marking each slow step. I guess I’ll always wonder.

Closing his eyes, Wufei blinked back tears as he retreated into the relative safety of his car.

I’ll always wonder.

true love but for lack of providence.

-fin.

Notes: My very first fanfiction evar. What melodramatic crap! "Braided angel", wtf, me. But, uh, at least I could spell?