if you were here

It's been hard to come this far.

His eyes are closed, his head bowed as he sits down near the cliff's edge. Far below, he hears the sound of rushing water, the very water that had saved him so long ago. Its tune brings with it another wave of memories.

This -- this is something he has to do. He knows that, and it's that which has drawn him here. He knows there is really nothing to find, nothing remains from that day.

Except for him, who would remember?


Still...

The sun's fading rays break across his face, highlighting the strong, proud cheekbones, the nose broken too many times from uncountable fights. He's had a hard life, but he's survived, no matter what. That was something he learned, survive, and that lesson was taught right here.

He's returned for one last time.

He owes him at least that much.

| If you were here
I know that you would truly be amazed
at what's become of what you've made |


It's been a long time, Sagara.

I wonder what you'd say, if you could see me now. I'm not that kid anymore.

I still remember it, like it was only yesterday. I wasn't scared, because you were there with me and I didn't have to be afraid. Even to their guns, I was invincible; their cruel, treacherous bullets wouldn't touch me because we would live forever.

I learned differently, on that day. I'll never forget.

| if you were here
you would know how I treasured every day
how every single word you spoke
echoes in me like a memory of hope |


I still remember everything you told me, Sagara. To always be kind and respectful, to help out whenever possible, and to protect the weak from anything I can.

You taught me that with your life. I was weak, then, wasn't I?

I couldn't save you. My head, my heart hurts to think of that time, and I can't breathe. I wasn't strong enough, I couldn't help you at all. You protected me, and...

...and you died. For me.

Sagara, I'm sorry. If only I'd been strong enough for you, you'd still be alive.

| when you were here
you could not feel the value that I placed
on every look that crossed your face |


I always wanted to be like you. You always smiled and seemed so happy and that was how I wanted to live, too. You were strong, and righteous, and so very beautiful. None of my memories have changed. You were everything good.

Sometimes, I wonder what you saw in me. I was just a scrawny kid, I could have been anyone. But you took me in, and raised me like someone special. For once in my life, I felt like I was someone, like I could be anything.

| when you were here
I did not know just how I had embraced
all that you hid behind your face
could not hide from me, cos it hid in me too |


I've always wanted you to be proud of me. I've lived my life, trying my best to uphold what you taught me, and even when I did wrong, I tried never to do anything that would make you ashamed of me.

Would you be angry with me, knowing what I've become? You left too soon, and I had so very much left to learn.

But I worked so hard! And I got stronger. I could help people, then, but my heart has been empty for so long...

I've missed you, so, so much, Sagara taichou.

And sometimes, when it's dark and the town is quiet, waiting for the light of dawn --when it's completely quiet, except for the night breeze, I feel much too alone.

But I'm not afraid. Because when it gets too much to bear, I can close my eyes, and I can almost feel you there with me, watching me. They wouldn't know it, but it's how I am. Sounds crazy, doesn't it?

If you were here, you'd ruffle my hair, and say "silly, Sanosuke..." And everything would be fine.

| now that I'm here I hear you
I wonder if maybe you can hear yourself
ringing in me now that you're somewhere else |


Are the gods as wonderful as you say they are, Sagara? I know they'll love you, but not more than I do.

I wish I could see you, now. I'd give worlds just to see you here.

Sometimes, my heart feels so sad. I hope you're doing okay. I am. Though sometimes, it's hard. Sometimes, it seems I've lost everything, and there's nothing left.

But I'm alive.

I still have that. And deep inside my heart, you live there, too. You'll never truly die, because I carry you with me. You and the Sekihoutai.

| cos I hear your strange music
gentle and true
singing inside me with the best parts of you |


I have someone to protect now, too, Sagara. Even though he was part of the Meiji warriors, if you met him, I know you would like him, too. He's strong, but he needs me. Sometimes, he hurts so bad, but I'm there to help. I'll keep him safe. From anything.

He's a lot like you, Sagara.

And he's taught me many things, too. When I first met him, I tried to kill him, the strongest, in your name.

That day, he taught me forgiveness. I learned...I learned to forgive myself, then.

| now that I'm here
I hope somewhere you hear them, too |


...Can you hear me, Sagara taichou?

There were so many things that I wanted to tell you, but I was too young, then. I didn't know the words to say. If I only had one more chance...

I hope you understand. I won't forget, and I hope you're doing all right. If I know that, then that's enough. Isn't it?

I'll be happy.

I am happy. I've moved on, and I know you're somewhere better, now. Wait for me.

Someday, I'll see you again.

| now that I'm here...|


When he opens his eyes again, the sun has fallen; only faint traces remain of its giving light. Inside him, the hidden sadness has eased.

He has to let go.

A hand reaches up, wiping tears he didn't know were there from his cheeks. It feels good to let it out, at last. There had been so very much pain locked up inside.

He shrugs out of his jacket and spreads it across his lap, tracing the black kanji with a fingertip. A mark he wears by his own volition, to remind him of what had happened here on that day. He gazes at the gaping crevasse in front of him, debating silently before putting it back on.

He'll still keep it. But now, it has a different meaning.

He whispers a name into the sky and prepares to stand, but he has a visitor.

A small, black bird hops towards him, a crimson pattern marking its body. It watches him with its head cocked, as if waiting for his next move.

Their eyes meet, and he breathes in sharply. His throat constricts momentarily and his eyes are stinging.

And then, he smiles.

"I love you."

It's almost as if the tiny bird gives a nod of approval, before hopping back a step.

Unknowingly, he returns the gesture, taking a deep, shuddering breath before closing his eyes.

| It's okay, you can go now. |

The little bird takes flight, disappearing with a cry of freedom into the endlessness of twilight. Where it's going, he really doesn't know; but he knows it's home.

One last lesson he's been taught.

He smiles.

Home.

Someone is waiting for him, there, too.