Death and Dream, Act II { Sad Song }

I do not want to know you this way
surrounded by so much pain
but how am i supposed to let go of you this way
like a bird into the sky of my brain?




The young man, the faint fragment of memory...it couldn't be Auron. But the features, though distorted and younger, were the same. The long tail of hair bound tightly to the back of the memory's head was the same. The sword, the robe and wide belt...they, too, were the same.

But the soulful, broken expression, plainly visible in both eyes --

Tidus watched the memory as it played out before the group, keeping his eyes averted from the real incarnation of the man as if peeking was cheating, and he was in the middle of a really big test. He watched his father, he watched Yuna's father, and he watched Auron as their own journey came to an end.

Was it just him, or was the Auron from ten years' past crying? The memory was so faded, he couldn't be sure.

There was a deep, angry growl, and the dark slash of a sword passed by, less than a foot from his face. Auron's face had lost a bit of that composure, leaking through shadows of pain and anger that were terrifyingly uncharacteric, a hidden darkness that made Tidus almost afraid to see it. Something deep and personal had been stolen from Auron, and was now laid bare before the entire group. But the sword wasn't the least bit effective; the memory continued, undaunted.

For a man with so many secrets, Tidus mused, this must be a far deeper wound than normal. Tidus had a secret of his own, though, if the Fayth was speaking truth. Shouldn't it disturb him more, to know as much? Truthfully...for now, it mattered little, though he could appreciate another's secrets that much more.

He watched, as a younger Auron pleaded with his father and Yuna's father, to turn back from this fool pilgrimage. He felt the pull of truth in those words, and he saw Rikku's face contort as she heard her own arguments echoed in that passionate pleading.

What made Auron so anxious to bring Yuna here? Was anything but the same fate waiting for her?

Have you lost hope, Auron?

There was resignation in the hazy eyes of that memory as he was resigned to the fact that his friends were going to die. And as everyone else watched, transfixed, Tidus laid a comforting hand on Auron's forearm, blue eyes glancing up at the older man's face as if to say I don't know everything, but I know pain. I know what it's like.

From the other side of those dark glasses, Tidus saw the flicker of emotion pass across Auron's eye, before being buried back beneath the surface. He drew away from Tidus, and resumed his path towards the huge dome looming in the near distance.

---

Those memories kept appearing as they continued towards the center of the Zanarkand ruins. Sometimes, they were people Tidus could recognize, other times they were complete strangers, but the most frequent were the memories of Jecht, Auron, and the summoner Braska. Each time, as Tidus juggled his mind between watching the memories like spheres and watching Auron's reactions, he felt a little bit more of the man pulling back inside impenetrable barriers, a last attempt to block out the pain of remembrance.

Watching the pyreflies as they hovered in and out of those echoes of life, Tidus finally began to realize the full meaning of this pilgrimage, the full futility of what would soon occur.

In that moment, he hated Auron for so stubbornly insisting on continuing this pointless journey, for speeding up the time of Yuna's death. A guardian was there to protect life!

But as the flood of memories continued, the pain became more and more visible, eating away at the old guardian's shell until something raw and wounded and desperate peered out through Auron's eyes, taking over the calm man and turning him into a stranger as Tidus watched, helpless.

What can I do for you? I don't understand...

Then that desperation turned to fear -- real fear -- and Tidus realized that they were standing before Yunalesca.

Time was up, and he was still as helpless as he'd been since the beginning.

---

Everyone but Auron seemed to crumble as her words echoed through them, filling them with dread and hopelessness, shattering those last frail fragments of hope.

Auron had crumbled ten years ago, in this same hall. Tidus realized that now. How had Auron felt, standing here so long ago, listening to this woman calmly speak of the utter futility of all they'd believed in? How had his father felt?

Probably just the same as he did, now.

She smiled benevolently as she told them to choose who would die with Yuna to bring about another span of false peace, and become the next evil.

Unacceptable.

There was still one more memory.

Tidus realized that it was as close to a warning as Yunalesca would give them, even as it began to appear. Once again, the young memory of Auron appeared like a character from a sphere, but this time there was no control at all. That passive face had long ago given way to a frightening display of rage and grief and hatred, and they were directed at Yunalesca.

The memory attacked. A strong, healthy young man lunged for the unsent woman, a raw scream of primal agony wrenching itself from his throat --

And he was blown back with the force of a leaf caught in a raging hurricane, deflected and destroyed by no more effort than the raising of a pale eyebrow. He hadn't even come close.

Tidus's eyes met Auron's over the crumpled body of a memory, and he knew where those scars and those grey hairs had come from. He'd been through all this and survived...

Tidus glanced at the crumpled body of the memory-Auron. No. Not survived. No one, not even he, could survive that.

A piece of the puzzle clicked together, and suddenly a great many things about the man made perfect sense.

There was no time to think of those things. They'd defied Yunalesca's solution to Sin, and now she wished to free them of their suffering.

---

Tidus slumped as he desperately clung to the hilt of his sword, his breath coming in heavy, painful gasps. Before him, the unsent body of Yunalesca was already beginning to fade away.

But still she kept talking, kept going, even though her voice was nothing more than a whisper, and Tidus couldn't find the sense in any of it. She said that all hope was now gone.

He found it mildly ironic that Auron had struck the 'killing' blow. Even with his vision clouded by the dark magic of her spells, Auron's sword had struck home, piercing her no longer human body and rending it a broken thing.

Even though Tidus knew the effects of the spell would wear off shortly, he stayed close to the older guardian, glancing worriedly at where the scarlet robe had been torn badly, hanging off the man's shoulder in tatters. A set of nasty-looking claw marks ran across Auron's arm, and blood had soaked completely through his sleeve during the course of the fight.

Yuna's face was worried when she approached them, but Tidus shook his head. "He's strong...he'll be okay," Tidus reassured her. "Go take care of Rikku, okay? We'll be out, soon."

The summoner girl's eyes were full of guilt, partly for dragging her friends into this fight, no matter that they were her guardians; and partly because she'd helped destroy the only known way to defeat Sin, even if it was only for a short time. Tidus smiled at her, and watched her go towards the frail-looking Al Bhed girl. Rikku had taken a few more hits than the others, but she wasn't in too bad of shape, especially considering what they were up against. As Wakka picked her up, she gave Tidus a tired-looking smile, flashing a sign of victory. He nodded back to her.

In a way, it was their own personal victory. Yuna was still alive.

A quick, held-back cough brought Tidus's attention back to the man he knelt beside. Auron's glasses lay to one side of him, cracked and useless...but the man's eye was unfocused anyway. Yunalesca's spell was still in effect.

"Damn," Tidus muttered softly. Auron turned his head towards the sound of his voice.

"You say something?"

"Not really. How you feeling, old man?" Tidus reached into one of the pouches belted to his waist, drawing a roll of gauze and one of Rikku's little miracle potions -- he had no idea whether or not the claws had been poisoned, and he didn't want to take any chances.

Auron didn't answer. He leaned back against a large piece of rubble, and closed his sightless eye.

"The spell should wear off soon," Tidus continued mildly, sitting down on Auron's left to tend to his wounded arm. "And Cid should be here in a little while. We'll have to see what happens from there. You should probably go easy on your arm a while...these are pretty deep. Nothing a few stitches won't take care of, though, as soon as we get you some decent attention. I'm not much of a doctor."

Auron listened to Tidus's random comments, his resolve hardening with each line. Like Tidus had said earlier in the temple, he deserved the truth. No matter what it might take to say it.

"It'd be best to wait here for a while, to let that potion take effect."

Auron began to stand.

"Hey, hold on," Tidus protested. "Just hold on a minute!"

"I'm not going anywhere."

Tidus scratched his head. "Okay."

"I need to talk to you."

Tidus glanced towards Auron, suddenly feeling dread. The way that Auron had said that...it reminded Tidus of the way Seymour had so easily dismissed their lives in Bevelle. "M-me?"

Auron didn't face Tidus. He was turned to the side, somber, and it looked like he was in a lot of pain.

"I am...unsent, as well."

I figured as much, old man. What, with the way you shied away from the farplane like it was a plague, and what Seymour said to you, and that battle we saw with Yunalesca, even a blockhead like me could have figured it out after a while.

"I know. It was Yunalesca, wasn't it?"

Auron nodded, and finally turned to Tidus. "I have something to show to you."

The pyreflies revolveded around the man as he began to open up at last, one hand out to Tidus, peeling back layers and layers of defense to show Tidus his most personal memories of the past.

In awe, Tidus took it; his grip faltered but was easily caught in the forceful closing of Auron's larger hand. It was like a jolt of electricity -- Tidus opened his eyes enough to see that something inside Auron was glowing with the strength of a tiny sun: and suddenly, his mind was no longer his own.

"Please, don't! There has to be another way!" His voice, his sight was Auron's. Before him stood Braska and his father, and he felt nothing but hopelessness. Braska looked sad, but he was smiling, and Jecht had a look of resignation and sadness on his face that Tidus would never have believed until that moment.

"It's okay, Auron. I'll do it," Jecht said. "I know I'll never see my family or my Zanarkand again."

"You don't have to do this!" His voice, Auron's voice pleaded. "There are infinite possibilities! You don't have to do this! Please..."

Jecht smiled and looked to Braska, who stood by patiently. Waiting. He'd said his goodbyes, but what could prepare one for such a thing? What would one say, that they would be ready to turn away forever, into the arms of death? There would be no replays, just...nothingness.

"You've got time to figure out a better way to defeat Sin for real, then."

"Jecht..."

"Auron?" The blitzball star looked uncomfortable and unsure, and there was something about the way he looked that made Tidus feel he was just a little more human. Not the boogey man who hurt his mom so badly. Not the drunk father who constantly ridiculed him, chasing him into nightmares with a scornful word. Human. A father, a man who would sacrifice himself for the greater good of a world he didn't even belong to.

Awkwardly, Jecht drew Auron into a hug. From Tidus's perspective, it was the closest he could remember being to his father. He'd never been held like this. The strong arms that embraced him were comforting, and vaguely he wondered who this man was.

He felt the tingling rake of stubble against his cheek as Jecht spoke. "Find my son, in my Zanarkand. He needs someone to hold his hand while he cries."

Even hearing it from this close, those words didn't hurt Tidus anymore. No matter what his father had seen, he wasn't that child anymore. He'd felt that sense of approval the last time he'd come into contact with Sin, back at that massacre.

Only memories. They were only memories.

"You were such a stiff, Auron," Jecht's voice was amused, "but I think that's what I liked about you." Tidus felt his throat contracting painfully, but it wasn't him on the verge of tears. The memory was still that sharp, and still that painful.

Jecht turned to Braska, and together they descended the stairway that led to the final hall.

And the memory dissolved, seperating Tidus and Auron from their strange collective consciousness.

Exhausted, Auron swayed unsteadily on the verge of collapse. But Tidus was there, one arm around Auron's waist, supporting him with all the strength he could muster. Gently, he helped Auron back to the floor. He stared into Auron's unseeing face for minutes, before finally scooting closer, laying his head against Auron's chest.

"What are you doing?" Auron asked, unsteadily.

Tidus raised a hand, turning his head so that his ear was directly over the man's heart. He took a deep breath and smiled, listening to the rhythmic sound of Auron's heartbeat. He found it strange that the dead man should have a pulse at all, and in quiet wonder he touched the side of Auron's face, feeling fevered, time-roughened flesh there, prickly with three-days' worth of stubble.

"Amazing," Tidus whispered softly. "What makes you go on like this?"

Auron took a deep breath, and Tidus's head followed the rise and fall of the older man's chest. "A promise."

Tidus closed his eyes, and focused completely on the beating of Auron's heart. "What makes it beat...?"

There was a moment's hesitation before an answer so soft, Tidus had to strain to hear it.

"You."

Silence stretched out between them as Tidus listened to that word, over and over again in his mind. Somehow, it was him that animated this man, and he felt almost guilty for keeping his own secret inside. But it really didn't matter. He nestled up against Auron, spreading his arms as if to cradle him, and Auron didn't resist.

Even blinded and hurt and like this, he was still Tidus's strength.

"Our stories...they will end together," Auron whispered calmly, and Tidus realized he held no secrets at all.

But he didn't mind. He drew Auron against him more securely, and laid his chin on Auron's shoulder. "Then let's just stay here a while, okay?"

"Mm."